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...the Bible tells me so:
Heartfelt Relationships
Do you remember those days as an adolescent? When a boy wanted to ask a girl out, oftentimes he was either too shy or too afraid of rejection to ask her in person. He would ask the friend of a friend of a friend of a friend of the girl that he was interested in, if she would go out with him. Being too shy or too afraid to answer him in person, she would send him her answer in a note by way of a friend of a friend of a friend of a friend of the boy. You get the idea.
At some point in growing up, the boy realizes that girls like to be asked out in person. At some point in growing up, the girl realizes that she likes boys to ask her out in person. The relationship between boys and girls is never the same after that.
Somewhere between adolescence and adulthood, we forget how important it is to talk to people face to face and heart to heart, especially when there are problems. We talk with our best friends, our mothers, our preachers, or whoever else will listen about how we were wronged by someone else. Usually, we enlist their sympathy for us or their disdain for the other person. But, how much good is actually accomplished? Talking to the wrong person gets nothing done to help the situation and invariably worsens the problem. As a matter of fact, what good does come from gossip?
I am thankful for Jesus who has the answer to everything. What do you do if you become extremely angry with someone, or call them “Fool!” or do something worse? Jesus said,
“Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to your brother; then come and offer your gift.” (Matthew 5:23-24 NIV)
What do you do if someone does you wrong? Again, the words of Jesus guide us. He said, “If your brother sins against you, go and show him his fault, just between the two of you. If he listens to you, you have won your brother over” (Matthew 18:15; see Luke 17:3; Galatians 6:1; James 5:19-20).
Ideally, both he who committed the wrong and he who suffered the wrong will be coming to each other to resolve the matter. However, if only one will approach the other, the wrong is at least halfway resolved.
Sometimes the wrongdoer will not listen. What do you do? Jesus continued, “But if he will not listen, take one or two others along, so that ‘every matter may be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses’ ” (Matthew 18:16; see Deuteronomy 19:15).
What do you do if there is only one witness, you who were sinned against? Sometimes it is best to agree to disagree and let the matter go. Sometimes correction takes a little while to sink in. Unfortunately, sometimes the sinner will sin again, only this time in the presence of witnesses. Then and only then can you move to the next step in bringing him back to the church.
Jesus continued, “If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church; and if he refuses to listen even to the church, treat him as you would a pagan or a tax collector” (Matthew 18:17; see 1 Corinthians 5:2, 5, 6, 11-13; 2 Thessalonians 3:6-15).
Every step is meant to bring the sinner back to the Lord. First, there is the private rebuke. Second, there is the private rebuke with one or two other witnesses to the sin. Third, there is the rebuke and even punishment from the church.
Matthew 18:20 is a comforting thought, “Where two or three come together in My name, there am I with them,” no matter what size a congregation is. However, in the context of Jesus’ message, it must be understood in terms of Jesus agreeing with the church’s discipline of a wayward brother. Verses 18-20 immediately follow the three-step rebuke. They say,
“I tell you the truth, whatever you bind on earth will be bound in heaven, and whatever you loose on earth will be loosed in heaven. Again, I tell you that if two of you on earth agree about anything you ask for, it will be done for you by My Father in heaven. For where two or three come together in My name, there am I with them.”
Jesus concluded with the great lesson on forgiveness (Matthew 18:21-35). Essentially, since God has forgiven the overwhelming number of your sins, it is not unreasonable for Him to expect you to forgive the “slights” that your brother has committed against you. If you want to go to heaven, then forgive.
Jesus’ summary, as found in Luke’s gospel, is best. He said, “If your brother sins, rebuke him, and if he repents, forgive him. If he sins against you seven times in a day, and seven times comes back to you and says, ‘I repent,’ forgive him” (Luke 17:3-4; see Colossians 3:13). This is the nature of heartfelt relationships.
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